Just the Fact's, Ma'm . . .

The other day I was at Sam's Club (I love warehouse clubs, but that's another blog for another day) and while I was there I filled up the Miata with a tank of their very finest premium fuel. When I was done I fired up my iPhone and launched one of my favorite apps, Fuel Gauge, which I use to keep track of my gas mileage. While I was entering the pertinent data, I was interrupted by a rap on my window. Standing outside my car was a Sam's Club "team member" (or as we used to call them, an "employee"), an older gentlemen whose name I didn't get but I'm confident is "Gus" or "Hank". I lowered the window and before I could say anything he asked me this question . . . "Do you like your car?".
Now, seeing as how I am a celebrity and drive an exotic-yet-affordable sports car that is so NOT a chick car, I am often asked this question. I imagine "regular people" see me tooling-around town in my bright red roadster, their weary souls filled with an understandable desire to be like me. And I always reply in the affirmative. But that's not what "Gus" was after. "Gus" was about to impart some of his hard-earned wisdom.
He pointed at my iPhone and told me about a guy, some unfortunate wretch, who just a few weeks earlier was filling his car at the Wawa station on Rosemont Road when a spark from his cell phone triggered a massive explosion, destroying his ride and nearly taking his life. "Gus" then advised me not to tempt fate by playing with my new-fangled gadget while pumping gas.
After a moment of stunned silence on my part, I thanked "Gus" and assured him I would never do it again. And then he walked away, his duty done.
Now I know he was only trying to be helpful. Which is why I chose not to say anything. But his story, and therefore his warning, is . . .  completely bogus.
First of all, I wasn't using my phone, I was using an app on my phone. I mean, who uses their smartphone to make phone calls?? Plus, being a member of the local media, I think I might have heard about a flaming fireball engulfing most of Virginia Beach. But that's not really important. What matters is that this is a widely-believed "urban legend". And sometimes it's hard to convince people of the real facts.
But you're saying, "Alright then, smart guy . . .  if it's not true then how come the oil companies put warnings on their pumps, huh?". One word . . . liability. To cover their backsides in the extremely off-chance that it actually could happen. Those signs are lawyers talking, not scientists.
All I know is that as of this writing there has not been one single documented case of a cell phone igniting a fire at a gas pump. Not one. Sorry, "Gus". Even the "Mythbusters" guys couldn't get it to happen. And if Adam and Jamie say it's "busted", it's "busted".
It's true you'll find "news" stories on the internet claiming this has actually occurred, usually in far-off places like Indonesia and Australia. But journalism ain't what it used to be. Just ask Rupert Murdoch, if you can catch him while he's not ducking a pie to the face.
And it's not always "urban legends". Sometimes it's misinformation masquerading as fact. Here are just a few of my favorite examples:
A fan cools the air.
Nope. Sorry. Ain't true. Fans just make you feel cooler. They do not actually lower the temperature of the air. In fact, in a small way, they actually warm the air, because the electricity used to run them generates heat. It doesn't mean you shouldn't run a fan. It just means there's no sense keeping one on in an empty room. It's like that old saying: "If a man's in the woods and he says something and there's no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?".
Poison ivy/oak/sumac is contagious.
It might be gross. It's definitely disgusting. But there's no harm in touching someone who has a rash from poison ivy. Go ahead, I dare you. The only way to get the "Mother-of-all" skin irritations is through direct contact with the oil on the plant itself, so stay away. If you find yourself surrounded by "foliage" (which is usually in "nature", which is located "outdoors") remember this rule I learned in the Boy Scouts: "Leaves of three, let it be". Or, as we used to say to our creepy assistant scoutmaster, "Here, wipe with this!".
And if you feel you may come in contact with the dreaded poisonous plantus itchyous, do not wash the area with soap and water . . . it will only spread the oil. Instead, get plenty of alcohol. And by "alcohol" I mean "liquor". 'Cause you're going to need it.
Humans only use ten percent of their brains.
This popular belief began with psychologist and noted crackpot author Williams James, who argued in The Energies of Men that "We are making use of only a small part of our possible mental and physical resources". Science has since proven that humans use practically all of their brains practically all of the time. Which is encouraging and a little bit sad, really. Experts feel that James' mistaken and misguided theories stem from a very small scientific sample, which included only members of Congress and the Kardashians.
Eating "Pop Rocks" and drinking a soda will cause you to explode.
Actually, this one's true. Don't believe me? When was the last time you saw Mikey from the Life cereal TV commercial, huh? I rest my case.
So, the next time you encounter some tidbit on the internet like "Facebook is going to start charging users" or "the Federal Government works for the taxpayers", greet it with a big ol' slice of skepticism. And feel free to ask me and I'll do my best to set things straight.
Or you can ask "Gus". But I'd turn off my phone first, if I were you.